“And love isn’t something that weak people do. Being a romantic takes a hell of a lot of hope. I think what they mean is, when you find somebody that you love, it feels like hope.”

Hot Priest, Fleabag (2019)

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With the way that love is commodified in today’s time, it’s no wonder that many of us can be pessimistic about it. Unknowingly, we might harbour certain misconceptions about what relationships are supposed to look or feel like. It can be pretty frustrating when our experiences don’t match the mental prototype we may have unintentionally accepted. A lot of the time, our past experiences and the current situation create expectations that may be unrealistic or difficult for our relationships to live up to. 

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Here are some common myths that surround relationships. While some of these apply more to romantic relationships, others are applicable to all kinds of relationships: 

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💌 When It’s Right, You Click:

Be it from popular media or the happy couples we might meet, many talk about feeling an instant connection with the other person. However, gauging if two people are compatible with each other can naturally take some time. As we learn more about the other person over time, our perceptions about them can evolve. It’s completely alright if that quick gut feeling doesn’t hit right away. 

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💌 All Good Relationships Look a Certain Way:

Many of us may host certain beliefs about how relationships look like. This could be in terms of the timeline they follow, how quickly they progress, or the level of intimacy they’re supposed to have. However, all relationships are unique in their own little ways! People are complex beings who bring their own set of values, experiences, and opinions to the relationship. It might be unfair to compare one’s own relationship to someone else’s since what works for some people might not work for us. 

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💌 Conflicts are Undesirable:

The word ‘conflict’ has a lot of negative connotations attached to it. Conflicts don’t always involve ugly fights or screaming matches. They can also be a very fruitful space where differing opinions can be voiced. Issues and concerns might not get resolved until they are brought up in a constructive manner. So, it’s a myth that happy couples never fight. Good relationships involve constructive conflicts where people feel safe enough to voice their views.   

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💌 Sexual Incompatibility isn’t as Important: 

While sex isn’t by any means all that relationships constitute, it does form an important aspect of them. Sexual incompatibility thus could be a very valid concern that could come up in a relationship. It can be behind relationship dissatisfaction. 

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💌 Relationships Work Best When Everyone is Independent:

Relationships are concerned more with interdependence rather than independence. Many healthy relationships involve a certain level of mutual interdependence on each other. Relationships give both parties space to be their own people but also depend on each other for intimacy, support, and empathy. This interdependence is very different from codependence, which could look like an unequal relationship. 

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💌 All Conflicts can be Resolved: 

“If the love is strong enough, you can overcome anything.” However, some concerns and issues are so fundamental and glaring that they might not get resolved. In such cases, these conflicts can be managed, rather than successfully resolved.